Anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so maybe I over did it a little tiny bit on the exclamation marks in the title, but I am anxious right now. And not a good anxious, as in, "Ohh boy, we get to wake up and go to Disney World tomorrow!" anxious... the BAD anxious, as in, "I'm leaving in 30 minutes to take my dog to the vet to find out if it's going to be necessary to put him to sleep..." And though part of me is in the "there are no words" stage of denial, part of me is in the, "But what if I put him to sleep today, and as fate would have had it, he would be walking and running, and jumping and playing with the cats in the morning?" But can I just let him linger? Is two + LONG weeks too long to make a sweet boy like Auggie tough-it-out? I need one of those amazing dog collars from the movie "UP", where the totally adorable slobbery canine can talk to you! I need Auggie to say, "Look, ok, I'm tired Mom.. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to take pills, and lay around, and hurt every time I move, and pee all over myself. I want to take a nap, and wake up running and playing in a warm field in the sunshine while I wait for you to come get me when you're done doing what you have to do here. I want to rest Mom." But he's not going to tell me that, becasue he can't. And I don't want to make this choice. Life is not fair, and that makes me mad, and sad, and anxious, and sick to my stomach all at once! Damn it...